Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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