All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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