He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
