would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
