I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
