I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
