dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
