this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
