it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
