im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
ttyl tear gas
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
