can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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