Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Randomize
