Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
