my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
