he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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