Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
