Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
