If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
