4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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