i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
