How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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