"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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