Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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