I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
