oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
