Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This house was built for laser tag.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
