...so i touched it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
