Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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