how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
