Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
