6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
