just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
