Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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