I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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