My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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