I wannas sexs uuuuu
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
