I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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