her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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