You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
two words...techno handjob
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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