Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
