just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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