take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
