Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
pray to the hookup gods
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
