if you like me you must not know who I am
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
