I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
