Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
