Already got asked if we're dating
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
