if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
