Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
