Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
