Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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